Let's Not Talk About New Year's Resolutions

Given that I help people get started working on goals and reach them more easily, why is it that I never encourage New Year’s resolutions? Because for the most part, they don’t work. Intentions, on the other hand, do work. And using them makes the process of achieving something a lot more enjoyable.

Now, I don’t want you to read on and have this be another example where you see something and say yeah that’s me, wow those are really good ideas. And then go back to your day. That’s what we call shelf help. You know everything you need to know to make meaningful changes in your life, yet you don’t apply it. Which means you keep feeling not so great about yourself as you could, maybe even really bad about yourself, at least about that thing you still haven’t made happen. This time, this year, I want you to actually do something about it. So, let’s get you started.
Bring to mind a goal you have. If it’s jumping out loud and clear, it’s probably been bothering you. Costing you way too much. So go you! taking a major first step in creating the life you want. If nothing comes to mind, look around. At your relationships, work, your health, your emotional well-being.

Set the Intention Take your time and immerse yourself in this. It’s the springboard that will get and keep you motivated. Especially on challenging days, what I call “but I don’t wanna” moments. With your goal in mind, what is the experience you want to create? When you have the relationship you want, the improved health you made happen, what will that look like? What will that feel like? Go there, and stay there for a minute. (Closing your eyes may help.) Remember how you just did that. That imagining connected you to your vision, i.e. what reaching your goal will give you. You can use this for the two common situations that throw us off track of reaching goals. The first one is when you need a boost, a reminder for the “why I need to execute the plan today, to keep going”. Think of marathon runners on a freezing rain training day when they really don’t feel like it. They reconnect to their dream of finishing a marathon and, bam, there’s the kick-in-the-butt to head out the door. The second situation happens when you’re chugging along doing the daily tasks and then an obstacle presents itself. The marathoner twists an ankle. The person using green juice to meet a health goal loses their job and can’t afford the juice (hey, it happened to a guy I know). That can be a real momentum-staller: “The plan was working, now what do I do?” All you have to do is reconnect to the experience: that will guide you to generate alternatives. To keep your eye on the prize, letting go of any frustrations about the curveball. To focus on what now? The runner arranges PT, a modified training plan, delaying racing for 6 months. The successful-in-health guy revamps the plan to fit the new budget, subs veggies for juice, adds some cardio to shed some pounds. Results? Goals achieved! Do you see how reconnecting to your Intention allows you to tap into their built-in flexibility? Because when you’re serious about achieving something, you will not be thwarted. You will find a way… always.

As with any aspect of your personal development, the power of language can not be overstated. How you talk about your goals and your Intentions matters. Which brings us back to resolutions and why they are far less effective than Intentions.

The Language of Resolutions Resolutions often have a negative tone, of disappointment or shame, to them. The statement I’m going to lose 25 lbs. is by definition linked to Because I gained 25 lbs. Add to that It’s the New Year. I’m supposed to make resolutions. I have to …. Ugghh… drudgery. About avoiding something, being not something. Which is the opposite of motivating. And if you really listen to the voice in your head, isn’t it sometimes accompanied by unsupportive, unkind whispers, your version of You’ve gotta do it this time, Why can’t you just do it? Maybe even I really want to, but what if I can’t, what if it’s too hard? Because you’re interpreting the fact that you haven’t yet as “evidence” that you can’t. Which it’s not. It’s just that you hadn’t yet committed to a method that really works. Until just now, when you created an Intention that will guide you the whole way. Now that you’ve decided to stop being disappointed in yourself…

Speak the Language of Intentions Intentions are kind, compassionate, and supportive. They’re rooted in hope and confidence.
They say: I have faith that this vision is within my grasp.
I have the ability to reach this goal. Instead of: You didn’t, you should have, you failed (yikes: ouch!), it’s I can. I will. Let’s figure out how.

Intentions are flexible and forgiving. Of you and the circumstances that affect your efforts. Like the runner and the Juice guy learned. So when you have a day when you didn’t follow the plan, which we all do, it’s That’s okay. Just decide again to do it tomorrow. Let it go, and choose to start again. You’ll get there.

Intentions BELIEVE IN YOU. I know, my editor tells me capital letters may read like I’m yelling. Well I am. Because I don’t want you to wait any longer to feel better.

Intentions allow you to make the future of your dreams by creating it from the present. Requiring you to let go of, and forgive, all that has and hasn’t happened.

Here are a few examples to help you get your Intention creativity flowing.

If you have a physical fitness goal, rather than I want to lose weight, say I want to be able to go on long walks again without running out of breath, I want to play with my kids or grandkids with less pain, I want to have more energy. Remember, Intentions focus on the experience you want to have as a result of reaching a goal.

Rather than I hate my job, so I’m quitting by the end of 2022. This example really underscores that a resolution doesn’t give you direction towards something, doesn’t guide you to what to do. Intentions, however, are future-oriented, focussed on what's possible. Think of the imagining exercise you did earlier. No reference to the past, feeling disappointed or frustrated. Which frees you to let go… of what hasn’t happened. The focus is solely on what you will do, and energy flows where we place our attention. So it sounds like I have a fulfilling job, that has me excited to go to (most days). One that fits my financial needs now as well as my vision for the future.

If you want to take the next step in making this a spectacular year for you, write down the Intention you developed today. If you have more than one, awesome. Make a list of all the behaviors you can think of that could support that vision. This is a brainstorm activity. Nothing is too big or small, too far-fetched. The marathoner’s list has 3 mile runs and 15 mile runs on it. Even if he knows the long ones are way down the road. Yet he knows he’s also written down the short ones, i.e. what he can do now to be actively making progress on his goal. Hold on to this list for future. Now grab your schedule for next week. Pick a day to start. On each one of those days, using your brainstorm master list, pick (at least) one action you can take every day and put it on the schedule. You may write one thing that you’ll do every day, or most days. Or you may have different tasks on different days. Let’s use our physical health person as an example. I will have a protein-rich breakfast. For lunch and dinner, I will fill the plate with 2/3 vegetables might go on 5 of 7 days. Planned events like a meal at a restaurant or Sunday brunch at home account for the other days. Maybe exercise is scheduled 3-4 days to be realistic given other commitments.

This will work with any goal, any vision, any dream you have. The specifics of the daily plan ensure that, if you follow it, you can rest easy at the end of every day knowing you are on track to reach your goal. Imagine that. Your head on your pillow every night knowing you are nailing it.

What you have just done is huge. Yet it’s not very complicated.
You have just created an Intention for something meaningful to you, that will improve the quality of your life. Your Intention gave rise to a plan, which guided you to make a schedule. A plan of action that you know you can achieve, because you created it to be realistic and doable.

Well done. Follow through on your schedule. Create one every week. Keep it simple. Keep it doable. And keep choosing it. And you’ll get there.

If you’re pretty clear about your vision around the intentions in your life, yet you’re still not sure about exactly what to do tomorrow when you get up, to be working on this -- not just wanting for it anymore -- get in touch with me for a complimentary call. You can reach me at info@coachingwithlee.com.