Worry doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow.  It empties today of its strength.    ~ Corrie Ten Boom

If you think you spend too much time in the land of worst-case scenarios and “what ifs?” or catch yourself stressing and can’t seem to stop – you’re not alone… 

Last week, a friend asked me how she could worry less. She told me she worries a lot and asked if I had any ideas on how to make it stop.  Her question got me thinking about all the people I know who suffer from this form of anxiety, so unnecessarily.  And that maybe you do, too?

Now rather than dive in and give you a prescriptive list of things to stop the worry, I want to ask you a bit of a provocative question - as good coaches do… “How does worrying add to your life?”

Did you just say something like, “It doesn’t or it’s not productive,”?  Or maybe it sounded a bit more like “I don’t think it helps me AT ALL - In fact, it probably only costs me”.  If so… I love your answer!   

So let’s dig in for a moment to HOW and WHAT stress, anxiety and worry cost us?  For starters, stress feels uncomfortable – literally!  It disturbs sleep and digestion, causes muscle tension and pain, and sets off headaches.  Those are just the apparent physical effects.  Stress and worry can lead to problems below the surface, too, such as cardiac problems and a weakened immune system.  And it can even drive some anxious worriers to abuse drugs, alcohol or to start smoking as they attempt to avoid the discomfort stress brings.  No bueno! 

Beyond the physical, extreme worry can stop you from living the life you truly want.  You may find yourself fearful of trying new things, stuck in analysis paralysis and suffering from inaction.  You can become irritable and feel like you always have a short fuse which can be detrimental to your relationships.  All of which can send self-confidence plummeting in a self-fulfilling prophecy spiral. 

So while we know stressing is non-productive and keeps us from operating at our best - you still worry, don’t you?  Rest assured a worrier is not who you are forever.  Worrying is just a habit.  A pattern of reacting to thoughts about life all rooted in powerless feelings like anxiety and fear.  Wouldn’t you rather live powerfully, creating what you want?  Accessing life-based sources like positivity, confidence, trust, and faith? These are the mindsets that generate eager anticipation, focus, and effective planning. 

Habits can be changed. 

So… this is what I recommended to my friend…

It’s time to neutralize the past.

Because you’re human, you probably do what most humans do.  You recall your past in ways that weigh you down and fill you with feelings like regret, embarrassment, and guilt.  Because the future and your next step can seem cloudy and unclear, it’s easy to think more about your failures than successes.  If that’s your focus, you’ll subconsciously create a tomorrow from your past.  And not the good parts.

Of course, reminisce and feel the joy of great memories.  Access the wisdom of the lessons you’ve learned from the tough times.  But… what I’m suggesting is this…  carry with you only what serves you.

So how do you leave the past in the past and create your future – the one you really want?  The first step is getting really clear on what your future looks like while involving all of your senses.  How does it look, feel, taste and even smell?  Imagine the future you want to help form your goals.  For example, if one of your goals is to run a marathon but you haven’t moved from the couch in a year, I recommend getting clear on a training plan that will support you.  BUT… here’s the thing… you may NOT have any idea what a training plan looks like.  You may need to do some research.  But before you open your computer and type “marathon training” into the Google search bar, try some visualization before you have all the answers.  Visualization allows you to practice creating something from nothing and helps build your confidence when the full answer is still unknown.  For example, think about how you’re excited (and yes, maybe a little nervous too) about what’s ahead of you… and FEEL it in your body. Think about how fun it will be to find the right pair of running shoes, how you’ll finally get the chance on your runs to listen to all those podcast episodes you never seem to find time for.  How great it will feel to be outside with the sun on your face.  Literally FEEL the sun on your face while you’re imagining all of this.  Can you feel the emotions building in your body?  Can you vividly imagine how it will feel to take on this goal?  You can use this technique for ANYTHING - it doesn’t have to be a marathon.  Use it often and you’ll train yourself to feel the difference between worrying about something vs. looking forward to it.

I just gave you a powerful example of how to frame the future.  But what about the present?  Worry requires attention to your future, and it likes to jump ahead with all the things that could go wrong, so here’s the antidote. 

Be present.

If you find yourself stuck in a worry loop, disrupt it with statements like “Just put your mind to the task at hand, and everything will turn out all right.”, “It’s wise for me to focus only on what’s happening right now.  I can trust that will lead to what I really want.”  As you develop the art of being present, you may need to repeat phrases like this a few times to interrupt the worry and remain in the moment.  Find your own phrase, one that feels natural to you, and use it whenever you need to bring yourself back to the present moment.

If practicing presence is new for you, guided meditations may be another tool you want to consider.  And they’re at your fingertips on your phone with tons of free and paid apps.  AND you can meditate ANYWHERE – you actually don’t need to close your eyes.  You can do it in the car, on the train, or while walking the dog.  (The same goes for another powerful worry-interrupter, deep breathing exercises.) Here’s one of my favorite calming meditations for you to try out…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpiw2hH-dlc

Take the Power Back

Worry means you’re letting your thoughts run amok and control you.  Instead, approach the situation you’re stressing about by asking What can I do today, or schedule to do this week, this month, this year, to be on track for a successful outcome?  Commit to just one small action, complete it and know it requires no further attention right now.  If the answer is Nothing, let it go.  And trust. 

Sometimes we can do nothing and all will be well.  When you trust that no concern or action is needed immediately for what might be in your future, you’re really saying that you believe in yourself.  You believe in your ability to achieve any goals your heart desires.  You believe in your ability to manage whatever challenges or changes come your way.  You believe you can approach life with a positive, confident attitude and trust that you’ll know what to do at the right time.

You may simply want to ask yourself “How likely is the thing I’m worrying about real?”  That may be enough to nip your distress in the bud.

If that doesn’t quite cut it… try this. Step back from the issue and ask yourself this magical question – If a loved one said they were stressing about this, what would I tell them?  Then say those words to yourself.

Another favorite tactic of mine is to make a list of encouraging, fear-busting statements like:

The universe has my back.
I am loved, protected and trust that I have what I need right now.
I can figure it out.
I have the support I need to get where I want to go.
Where I am now is not where I will always be.  This challenge is temporary.

You can post them around your house, or leave a note for yourself in your car – wherever you’ll see them on a daily basis.  Take a moment right now and write three of your own fear-busting statements and place them where you’ll see them in the next 24 hours.

Get up and move.

And last but not least, get up!  When you notice yourself worrying, literally switch places or rooms to help you burst the worry bubble.  Your body is a huge asset to your mind, so move it.  When you don’t express enough energy to keep yourself in balance, it can build and show up as anxiety.  Movement is key to burning off some of that excess energy and keeping your monkey mind at bay.

Engage in physically and mentally calming activities on a regular basis.  And you’ll start to build new habits of a calm person.  You may already know what works for you to quiet your mind, and just need to schedule those things back into your days.  Or get back into the regular practice of them so you can be cool, calm, and collected.

Want some more ideas?  Check out https://www.stress.org/15-stress-reducing-activities-you-can-do-at-home-according-to-experts

Now that you have some specific ways to combat worry, you’re set up to win the next time.  Because life’s going to happen.  There will be unknowns thrown your way.  Take a moment, and write down right now 3 things you can do to respond powerfully in the future.  Plan now so that the next time you notice yourself frettin’, you’ll know exactly what to do. 

Live powerfully!