Have you noticed, seemingly more lately, how often you read where someone is being compared to someone else?  That a firefighter in California is the "real hero," not an NFL player.  Or the hero is the nurse going to work day after day during COVID-19, not a protestor of an issue of social injustice… because they don't have to be out there yet the nurse needs her job to support her family.  It feels like in trying to honor one person's contribution, we've gotten into the business of devaluing another's.

It feels kinda mean.  Costly.  And unnecessary.  Does it serve us emotionally?

I've found myself thinking more about the pros and cons of measuring the attributes of one thing, especially a person, against another.

Social psychology junkies know that it's only human that we compare ourselves to others.  We do it to help define ourselves and to reduce uncertainty when we're trying to evaluate our abilities or progress. That's what I call helpful comparison.  When we're figuring out what makes us tick, what kind of work to pursue, what we're looking for in an intimate relationship, there's value in seeing how someone else managed that.  To the degree that we say, that appeals to me.  I want to try for that in my life.

I think we also seek to compare as a logical way to order things as we experience the world.  Think of it as a way to create structure, so we don't feel overloaded with a ton of unorganized information we're exposed to, making something more definite, less vague.  This approach works well in many situations.  Yet I think we overapply it in an unhealthy way when we try to create order of people… as in the quality of their lives.

My example above of a firefighter versus a sports legend is what I call unhelpful comparison.  It leaves one person, or action, coming out as "less than" the other.  It diminishes the uniqueness of their contribution.  It forgets that there are many ways for us to be great in this world.

Why not acknowledge the merit of each, leaving us all with an experience of "more"?

Whenever you find yourself falling into the comparison trap, ask yourself, "Is this productive?  Does it inspire me to get started on something, to create what that person did in my life?"  If yes, then compare away.  If, however, it leaves you feeling that someone is less than another, are you being judgmental?  In a way that has you being hard on yourself or in other people's business in an unhelpful way.  That actually distracts, rather than inspires you.  If so, can you choose the opposite of judgment? 

Acceptance.  Try choosing acceptance.  Acceptance embodies the idea that they can do their thing, and I'll do mine.  Because really, the sacrifice and challenges of a war veteran don't need to be measured against the courage of a person battling cancer.  Let's admire them, each in their spotlight, for all their equal amazingness. 

And then refocus on your day.  What are you up to?  Whose day are you making a little brighter?

Just go, and do You!