Being a Leader in Your Own Life
It has been a challenging year, and that may seem like an understatement to you. I find myself struggling to talk about it without sounding repetitive. Many of us feel the stress of our own lives, compounded with empathy for those struggling around us. The challenge is far from over. Current COVID 19 numbers are going up, you may be experiencing another round of social restrictions, and some of you are, once again, in lockdown. I have the sense that people are feeling stressed, anxious, tired, or frustrated, AGAIN. Add to that the recent unrest around the U.S. Presidential election, you may be feeling angry, sad, maybe even afraid. Perhaps you’ve found yourself wondering how there can be a positive outcome? These challenges can kick up feelings of uncertainty and powerlessness. When I sit to write blogs week to week, I feel that I keep revisiting this topic, and I do so because I want to give you another way of coping and feeling less alone. This week I want to talk to you about being a leader in your own life. There is such value in doing that, especially in times of difficulty or crisis around you. In what way, you ask?
#1 Your mood. Whatever you are feeling right now, it will give you a better balance of mood. Whether that’s you feeling calmer, less sad, or less angry.
#2 Leaders don’t allow circumstances to run their show. So in times of crisis, they get very busy being productive and taking charge of their destiny. Being a leader requires you to focus on yourself, your goals, what you want to create in your life… now and down the road. It’s an opportunity to devote your time and energy to generate significant results. It’s one of my favorite sayings in vivo – When life hands us lemons, let’s make some lemonade. And while it’s not the primary purpose, the bonus is that the focus distracts you from attending to non-beneficial stimuli in the world around you.
So what does it mean to be a leader in your own life? I used to think of leadership in a limited way, in the context of managing people in a company or a team. Now I understand that you can bring leadership to anything: your health, a relationship, your family, your community. It doesn’t have to be an official role like a teacher or coach. It has more to do with an approach designed to make something happen for you or others. Look at the areas I just mentioned… in your own life. Are you taking a back seat even if you see room for improvement, hoping that something will happen to make things better? Are you taking responsibility for a situation that’s not fulfilling, or are you making excuses for not acting on it? Or blaming circumstances for the less-than-satisfying results?
Now let’s get into leadership mode. Conversely, think about moments when you felt dissatisfied and stepped up to make changes in the same areas – your health, work, relationships, etc.
Let’s begin by looking at the attributes that define a leader. Feel free to add to this list based on your experiences with phenomenal leaders in your life.
A leader…
Is optimistic, no matter the circumstances.
Has faith in a positive outcome.
Hopes rather than fears.
Finds ways to be powerful and achieve good when feeling powerless.
Looks to be a part of the solution rather than the problem (thanks for this one, Mom!) For example, when people get involved in combating racism. Believing that to stand by and let others do the work is to be complicit in the inequality.
Attempts to resolve conflicts rather than avoiding them.
Tends to their emotional fires, letting go of emotional baggage to move through life more easily.
And, as epic leader Tony Robbins says, As a leader, I will believe, not doubt.
Leaders protect their well-being. They would right now, for example, be aware of how exposure to the news affects them in an era of 24/7 viewing options—trusting that they can be informed and connected with what’s happening while wisely governing time spent watching.
Speaking of exposure, who are your heroes in leadership? How are you tapping into their wisdom to inspire you? What are you reading or watching right now? A biography of someone you admire?
A caveat on admiring heroes. We tend to diminish our plans when we compare them to great leaders’ accomplishments, which can keep us from trying. No contribution you make is too small. Leave the “It’ll only be a drop in the bucket” and “What difference can I really make?” at the door. Bring to mind people you admire for their leadership. What specifically did they do that left you with that impression? When you ask an adult that question, they often mention a teacher or coach, right? If you learn the specifics of what the person said that had such a profound impact, it often doesn’t sound like it had to come from genius. That’s my point. You never know the difference you could make in someone’s life. Yet, a leader takes a shot. Knowing it could be a miss because they’d rather risk that than not take a chance at doing something meaningful.
A leader wants to know what their blind spots are, the things they’re not aware of that get in the way of them achieving even more. We often can’t see our blind spots; we’re just too close to them. Enlist the help of a coach or a mentor to be your second set of eyes. So you can discover them and keep them from holding you back any longer. That’s why I am passionate about coaching. I know its value.
My challenge for you this week is to brainstorm how you can be a better leader in your own life. Feel free to share your thoughts here on my blog or over on Facebook. We all learn better when we learn together!
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